CONVERTING TO ISLAAM

It's a beautiful spring evening, the wind is calm, the air is still, the smell of freshness consumes my nostrils as I hear the thoughts of my heart crying out for guidance and my mind pondering over my life walking through my neighborhood in Irvington, NJ. What will I do with the rest of my life, what is my purpose? Without any doubt, I know there’s a God and that heaven and hell are real; I don’t know why I know it, but I know it and when will I know how to get into heaven. Truly, I don’t want to go to hell.

Yet, I don't beleive all that I have experienced in religions, and Lord knows I've experienced my share, are the correct guidelines to worshipping God let alone getting into heaven. Now I wonder what, where and when will the correct religion be opened up to me. So, I began to make a supplication to my Lord, although I don’t know who He is I know He is, "Oh God please show me what is correct and which way I should go and remove me from this confusion I'm in". And, Allaah answers dua'a! I didn’t know that then, but its true.

The next day I traveled to downtown Newark, NJ and happened to be in the area where there were a lot of Muslims. I thought, this may be it and at the same moment I began to remember my past experiences with religions. First, Christianity from my Mother and her people, the Father, Son & Holy Ghost. I had great difficulty understanding this concept, even as a child, because I understood that Father and son were people so I also wondered who were these people we worshipped, why did we worship them and where were they located. The Holy Ghost did not fit because we always watched these TV shows that showed ghosts as transparencies that scared people. I could never figure a ghost to be holy after being taught they were frightening. I was confused and could never believe what my Mother wanted me to believe.

At the age of fourteen I decided to embrace this Christian religion on another level with the Penecostals, well I wanted to impress a boy. They taught me to sing and shout and praise God by saying Hallelujah. The music was loud, pounding in your chest, the people were emotional, crying, testifying and speaking words no one could understand; (speaking in tongues) all because the spirit moves you. Now all of this was fun because we traveled from state to state, city to city with this performance but no one ever explained why and who we were worshipping God in this manner other than the spirit moves you and sometimes they thought that Jesus was God.

Now, Jesus being God was not a concept I could conceive because while growing up Jesus was the son of God. Confused again and unable to believe this concept of worship, the fascination for the boy wore off so did the religion and I moved on.

Two years later at age sixteen, trying to figure out who I am and who I'm going to emulate, any body except Mom, I decided to go to the Temple Number 25 in Newark, NJ where the people went who were in “The Nation Of Islam”. I wanted to see what was all this hooplah Muhammad Ali was talking about. This man Elijah Muhammad, a black man, a Prophet with a religion only for black people and the proof that white people are devils. Oh! and that's not all he has a way for us to get back our land that was stolen from us along with a mule. Plus he's going to teach us "How To Eat To Live". I was enthralled with this concept and with due right. I'm black, I want my land back and my mule, I need to eat to live and my Mom hated the whole idea and she was able to prove that this was not a religion from God with the Bible. But, I needed something that did not emulate her even though she was right. By the way, I couldn't figure out the deal with the land and the mule anyway; I never had any land and/or a mule and if I got it back what would I do with it? I'm from the city, I don't know anything about land let alone a mule. I've never even seen a mule, but I'm going to check it out and I did.

Well, it all seemed good with women covering and having their own vanguard army, raising children, sewing, cooking and being respected by men. The men were soldiers, marrying, building a nation and protecting the women and children. Growing their own foods and raising animals along with owning businesses. Most importantly, we were all happy with the concept that the white man was the devil, we needed every reason to hate the white man. We were once his slaves, although none of us had ever even seen a slave, let alone been a slave. All this under the guise of 'Islam' i.e. "The Nation of Islam".

We had the Quraan and Allaah is our Lord. Then the rhetoric began with mixing the versus of the Bible with the versus of the Quraan and the pictures of Allaah. They depicted Allaah as a little white man, I mean little in stature and apparently he was seen only a little no one could verify where this man was. Now how could this little man be the God of the Universe, the universe is massive and he's so little, not to mention he's a white man. There's no way a white man could be the devil and our Lord at the same time. Well, they lost me with that.

Several years later successful administrative assistant working my way up the corporate ladder for one of the top law firms, I was introduced to Buddhism by a co-worker. Here, I go again, but I got to try, I need to find out how to really worship, get into heaven and be a good person.

Well, they teach you how to chant, to go inside yourself and find your inner strength to overcome that which seems to be hard for you. After the chanting, going inside yourself and reading passages from the handbook/prayer book the offering time came. It was incumbent upon you to leave a gift/sacrifice for the Buddha and he, Buddha is answering your chant through your chi and because of your offering.

The reason I say “the Buddha” is because the session of chanting can be done in a group, in someone's house, in the temple alone or in a group it did'nt matter because they had so many Buddhas. You could take it, Buddha, home with you, put it in your purse and/or leave it in your car. Buddha not only was many but he also had many sizes, from hand holding size to giant size that was tall as a building.

I really couldn't stay here, none of this was getting into my head especially when you had to leave a gift/sacrifice for Buddha; a decent piece of fruit, an exorbitant amount of cash and/or burn an incense for a statute who I knew could not get up and do anything with these gifts/sacrifices he’s a statute. I saw others leaving their gifts/sacrifices and as they did, I wondered who really was taking those gifts/sacrifices. Each night, when we returned the fruit, now rottened, was still there and the incense had burned out, but who, who took that money and those checks? Buddha, I don't think so.

Now, back in the area where I see all Muslims, the muslim ladies fully covered, some with veils on their faces and gloves on their hands and the men with their white thobes, short pants and beards, I decided to ask about Islaam. It was told to me that Islaam is to worship Allaah alone and to believe that Muhammad ibn Abdullaah (s.a.w.) is His slave and Last Messenger and to obey Allaah and Muhammad (s.a.w.), to pray, to fast, to give charity and to make the Pilgrimage/Hajj.

I said; "wow, how do I do that?" Take Shahaadahtain/Bear Witness to the Oneness of Allaah. I knew this was what I was looking for so I took Shahaadahtain and this time I got it right because Allaah answered that dua'a and guided me to His Perfect Religion, Islaam.

So, I took Shahaadahtain and here I am some 15 years later a Muslimah, striving to be a true believer, obeying Allaah and His Messenger (s.a.w.) to the best of my ability and I haven't regretted any of it.

May Allaah forgive me of my sins and bless me with Jannah and save me from Jahannum; AMEEN!!!

May Allaah continue me on the Straight Path; Ameen!!!